I have a plan. (part 3)

Have you ever been alone with no plan? I always had a plan.

Allow me to first say Good morning, good evening and God bless your life before venturing left field. Like I haven’t been doing that already. I was lost. I walking around with no destination. I was arguing with no conclusion. I was seeing without vision. I’m sure none of you have been here before. Not to be sarcastic but too many people like to fake it till they make it, act like they have it together, tell you how to do it like them, so I’ll make for argument’s sake like I am, and was, alone on this one.

I needed a plan. I aaaaaaalways had a plan.

I was stuck. I’m like, the best rapper on the planet. I realised that’s what I had aimed for all my teen life up to this point and when I got to my aim I realised something. It wasn’t enough. Music was no longer being merited off just skill if it ever was, and hip hop leave alone rap is still not quite considered real music. Kind of like the death of racism. Basically I felt like nothing and no one going nowhere. I had no idea where I was going with little to no idea how I got here.

I seriously needed a plan. I always had a plan?

They say that alienated shut off mice given every necessity except companionship and or contact with other mice after long enough just die. They lose the will to live. It’s been called dying from a broken heart. The woman I thought I loved had distanced herself from me because I left her first, and shame distanced me from my own family. Life unfolding started distancing me more and more from my friends. I was alienated. I was shut off. Even in a room with another person or full of people. My heart started to break. I started to die.

I was literally dying to have a plan. I always had a plan.

Some of us think we pick our plans. Some of us think our plans pick us. The weak minded won’t take a stand and go with both options. I have been in all three of these groups individually at different points in my young getting older by the day adult life. Everyone asked me what the plan was. I didn’t know so I didn’t answer but they kept asking. So finally I went with the first comprehensible answer I could come up with. Or maybe I was just scared everyone would laugh at my plan.

What was my plan?

Everyone has had the three wish question asked them at some point in their life in some form or another. Since I could remember my answer for that was I wish everyone would go to Heaven so I wouldn’t need the other two wishes. I’d like to think my answer never changed, but the thing is your plan is usually tailored according to your wishes. How do you fathom a plan for a wish like that?

“You” don’t. “You” can’t. “I” always had a plan. It was just never “my” plan....