Monday, November 8, 2010

If I Have not Love...(Caution: This Got Long)

        Good morning, evening and afternoon. God bless your life. It's been a while since I've written a blog post. I've been busy working on some things, including a nationwide 2011 tour, wrapping up this SOS project, dealing with the issues sorrounding that and other things. Eva is home today studying so Sonya is not occupying the amount of my existence that she usually does. My daily 3 mile run, a Hash-House-A-Go-Go breakfast and an Eddie James music binge out the way, and I wrote this post on paper. From Bed. I'll dispense with any specifics on that one.


     My focus on these coming months and thus this post in particular is love. Do you love? Who do you love? And when you hear all the corny sayings cheapened due to repetition without affirmative action, say for example, "Love conquers all", do you believe it?
     Love conquers all. Say it with me, without analysing whether you believe it or not. We over analyse truth. A lady recently asked me to marry her regardless of the fact I didn't love her like that and I said no. Was that a missed opportunity to actively affirm a statement I always repeat? She needs love, and I'm certain she either loves me or believes she's fallen in love with me, so why not?
      Love conquers all. Say it with me. A woman I was or might be in love with that believes she loved or loves me started violently attacking and judging me for giving my life and attention to God and Christ. She won't even tell me her problems because she knows I'll pray for them. Huh? I used to aggresively talk to her, many would call it shouting, regardless the few times we talk now I do it respectfully and she doesn't believe I'm being real with her to where she prefers how i formerly addressed her. Really? And I almost married that one. Now I try to replace the sadness that thoughts of her induce in my heart, by praying with all my heart that whatever she does and wherever she is she's happy, enduring through life's BS. Hoping that sometimes love truly IS an action, not always a feeling.
       Love conquers all. I'll be retiring the moker Krukid by the end of the year, probably to the detriment of many of my close firends and counterparts. Mostly me too, I put alot of work into and behind that name. Google it. People grow, things change, stuff that was always the same suddenly sounds, tastes, smells, looks and feels different. Best friends stop talking to you and you find out they just got married on facebook, ex girlfriends marry ex good friends, and best friends' best man brothers die the morning after their beautiful wedding.
       Love. Conquers. All. Money can't buy love. God is love. These will abide and endure, faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these, God's greatest gift, is love. Who still really believes this? I could write a book off this blog post, right now, just keep writing. I am yet to love like I think I should, and that makes me sad. I don't reflect every ounce of love I've been shown, not even close. If this spectacular looking woman whose physical attributes are off the richter and she is also conversationally engaging says she likes me and I say it back but I can't quite figure out which one of those two qualities I'd rather explore more, then I already have my answer. Is that love?
     I love all of you. Now hopefully I can actively affirm it, because stuff like that is easy to say and blandly and lifelessly repeat. Especially when you have a blog post to write.

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